All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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