Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
