when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
