He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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