Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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