But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
