I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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