i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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