I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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