I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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