I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
