note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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