I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
