i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is my gift to your gina
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
