his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
