I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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