No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
