we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
