im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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