I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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