I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
