Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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