i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
