Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
