Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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