Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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