Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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