they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
