I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
