Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
