Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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