it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
