I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
