you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize