You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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