I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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