I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
