My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
