um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
