Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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