When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
