Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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