woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
