and i looked up. we had an audience...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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