wanna go halves on a baby?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
