those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
