i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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