you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
