So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
