Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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