So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize