he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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