i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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