I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
40s are totally the cure
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
