i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
