if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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