I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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