hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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