that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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