i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
